the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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