1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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