a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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