so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
