Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
