once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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