I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
