Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
