Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
