Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
