dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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