My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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