then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
