Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
