If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
