6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
tell me about the eggs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
