I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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