never play flip cup with pint glasses
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
