He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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