he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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