she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
