I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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