I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
