I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
ugly people sure do ruin things
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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