I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
