I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Your cock deserves a montage
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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