i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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