Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
