Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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