Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize