Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
