at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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