Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He has the fingertips of a God
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