wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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