When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
