I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I cannot find my penis.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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