U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
there was a trapeze. enough said
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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