it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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