Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
