The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
