biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
