how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
