In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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