So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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