You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
