she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
