when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
