all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's even glitter on my cock...
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