Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
