youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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