the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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