...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
